Roots

Reconnecting with one's roots is a full-time job, and I sometimes struggle to understand how I became so disconnected from them. It is fascinating to observe how life appears to guide us from one thing to another, shaping an identity and a personality forged through interaction with the contexts we encounter. I have always tended to identity crises: I do not know who I am, I never have, and maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. However, I do have spaces that define me in ways that expand or contract as I move through life, depending on the environment and my current situation. It doesn't feel comfortable to leave at the edges, but apparently, that's where I belong.

I approach a time when I need to decide whether to return to my place of origin, and living in Spain in a quiet and safe area may not be a bad idea, given the current times. However, what I bring with me after twenty years of building my British identity does not mix well with the small-town setting. I enjoyed the 'trial round' last year, and I managed to release some stored emotional issues and really reconnect with my family. I am now facing a second 'trial round' where I come face to face with my inner teacher. I once more return to my place of origin with the intention of working as a math teacher.

Facing the school system (no matter the country) scares me. Although what I am most scared of is my potential influence on other people and the consequences that may result from it. Working with teenagers appears to be a most challenging environment to deal with that fear. What would be the impact of my words or my reactions? The grades and the conversations with parents?  The constraints of school policies and the cognicentric mindset surrounding mathematics classrooms? Those are the questions surrounding uncertainty that make the idea of teaching overwhelming. However, at least for the following year, my path is set, and apparently, "I" have little to say in the matter.

Jungians refer to this autonomous archetypal impetus that appears to be independent of our conscious identity as ‘the Daimon’. A purposeful force that confronts us with our potential and propels us towards the realisation of an authentic expression of life. I am, somehow reluctantly, following my daimon towards a vocation forgotten in the thrill of London life and trusting that it is somehow leading me where I need to be to fulfil my deepest purpose. The teacher/mentor/ guide archetypes mark my family lineage significantly, and reconnecting with my roots appears to be an unavoidable part of my archetypal contracts. Hence, I will face my fears and go back to teaching, hoping that the alchemy guiding my transformative process will continue to work its ‘magic’ and take me closer to my full potential.

References

In the Grip of the Daimon - Jungian Centre for the Spiritual Sciences

Myss, C. (2010) Sacred Contracts. Awakening your Divine Potential. Transworld Digital.